A trip to Borders, with $5.00 in Borders Rewards bucks (which, when I got to the register, I was delightfully informed by the clerk that I had $10.00!), and recent mishaps in the dating world, spurred the purchase of this delightful do-it-yourself guide: The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right.
And thus begins my never-ending quest to save my girlfriend, er boyfriend…well, you get the idea.
You’re probably asking yourself (or me, or your cat sitting next to you and the glass of wine you’re drinking–oh wait, that would describe me as well), “OK, Lance, get to the point, what are you blogging about now?” Well fine then, oh-so-impatient-one, let me not spew forth more verbose phrases and lexicons.
I will be blogging about my journey to find Mr. Right, while using this new manual-of-love as my guide.
No, this is not an empirical test with a +/- 5% margin of error or any confidence intervals to determine the validity of this self-help textbook. Instead, I will be reading it section by section, summarizing it’s wisdom and regurgitated through my completely objective, unfiltered perspective, while weaving in what I hope to be real-world examples along the way. Yes, that’s right, I am now Spokane Sex and the City author. Except I don’t have a clinical obsession with shoes–but several of my friends do.
So where shall we begin? How about here.
First, you must bring to this quest an open heart. Opportunities come to those who believe that what they want in life can and will happen.
Well, after buying this lovely book and the game of Operation, I believe I have successfully conducted open-heart surgery and determined that 1) it’s open and 2) it’s a heart.
By the way, that book is on clearance for $5.99 or less at your local Borders (if it’s still open). So let’s move on…
Second, you must be prepared for when opportunity knocks.
I might have some difficulty here. My residence is in a gated access apartment complex, which involves the ringing of a buzzer. To complicate the matters further, our doorbell (the one right outside the apartment door) doesn’t work–so I am sure that will confuse Mr. Right, but at the same time, force him to knock on the door–if he makes it past the gated entry. And the crocodile-filled moat (also known as the neighbors below us who don’t appreciate it when we run large appliances past 10 p.m.).
As I continue my journey through this book, it has been foretold that I will be able to describe these three elements:
- Your ideal of who your Mr. Right is–the traits that make him desirable to you
- Your universe–your life–as it exists right now
- Your resolve to move beyond any self-imposed boundaries that previously held you back from finding your soul mate
Wow, I can’t wait to get started! But wait, there’s more…it’s important for me to foreshadow the experience you and I will have together. Yes, that’s right, here is a handy guide as to how this book (and my experiences to come) will be organized:
- Let’s Talk About You [Baby]: examining society’s archetypes of perfect men and how my perception has been influenced.
- How to Tell Mr. Wrong from Mr. Right: it’s easier than a background check!
- Finding Your Mr. Right [and not someone else’s]: determining the ideal traits of my main man, and how to lure him in with candy and shiny objects, through various mediums, including the ever-famous online profile…yes, that’s right, we’re going to re-work my online profile for dating sites together! Oh, it also includes tips for flirting.
- Is He Mr. Right?: The do’s and don’ts of first dates, an examination of our feelings towards one another, and what happens if we break up. (Don’t worry, I’ve already pre-ordered ice cream and Girl Scout cookies for this part.)
- Keeping Mr. Right: once the engagement happens, how to use communication and other tools, tips and so on to negotiate emotional ups and downs. Oh and for those of you giddy for a gay wedding (hey, it’s almost legal in New York now!): wedding planning tips!
And there you have it. Let the quest begin!